what the Bible *really* says about masculinity.
CW // toxic masculinity
TW // abuse; Biblical manhood
My heart completely breaks for the men on this planet. They cannot win. From all sides, they are berated and infantilized, accused and ignored, either the oppressor or the victim.
In widespread Christian culture, men are taught to misuse their power in the name of God while being excused from all responsibility and accountability. They are trained up to be arrogant, inerrant, unrepentant sons, bastardizing and blaspheming the name and Word of God. In them, the beauty of God’s character is lost.
In the world, men are taught to hate everyone, either abusing or neglecting with no remorse. They are encouraged to control everything tightly, pursuing wealth, pleasure, self-image, and status with no thought to the personal cost or cost to others. They, too, exploit and mutilate and manipulate. In them, we learn what exemplifies “toxic.”
In both the secular and Christian worlds, XY image-bearers continually hear they are uncontrollable sex machines, not capable of self-control, accountability, or gentle strength. In all places and from all sources, we learn to fear and distrust men.
Men are made out to be incompetent, tyrannical, power-hungry, emotionally-devoid monsters that make life worse. Contempt is their defining trait and misogynistic debasement of women is pretty much required.
In very few places can men find a holy picture of God’s design and purpose for masculinity. The Church is too busy idolizing David, venerating Paul, and proclaiming a self-help gospel to study Jesus. The world is too occupied with the abusers, offenders, and hypocrites to remember that men are needed and valuable to our societies and world.
So to the best of my ability, here is that place.
Where men are both needed and wanted. Encouraged and challenged. Held accountable and offered grace. May this space hold sacred all that is Biblical and holy masculinity.
Modern-day Christianity has grossly perverted and twisted the phrase “Godly man.” What once meant “to reflect God” now means “to be God.” A well-known social media pastor regularly uses this phrase to support his belief that men are created above, more complete, and more God-like than women.
But man was created to reflect his Creator (Gen 1:26-27)! God created order, and God created man to keep that order (Gen 2:15).
Keeping the order required abiding in the boundaries God set forth in the Garden of Eden: “Govern the earth according to My design, and do not eat from that tree” (paraphrased Gen 2:15-17). God called all this “very good” (Gen 1:31).
Ironically enough, in Genesis 3, the first man chose “to be God,” and we see the ruin this impotent form of masculinity caused. In one moment of passivity, shame, deceit, fear, hostility, pain, distorted gender roles, and death were thrust upon what had been a good creation.
Today, there are approximately 3.952 billion XY image-bearers on our planet Earth.
Image-bearer: one capable of mirroring God’s divine nature.
There are millions on millions of men capable of living in the shadow of the Most High and reflecting His image.
Holy masculinity images Creator God.
In its firm authority and gentle tenderness. In its decisively strong and soft-hearted approach to others (Isa 40:10-11). In its selfless, humble, curious about others, gives up privilege and serves as a slave kinda behavior (Phil 2:3-8), it mirrors God’s own infallible character.
The one embodying it serves others in love first, and he is called to live in freedom, turning his back on the inherited, unhealthy, and harmful generational cycles (Gal 5:13-14) of broken families in a broken world. What’s more, he calls others into this freedom, too!
The Biblical man is watchful over what is entrusted to him. He is attentive, responsive, on guard and because of this, he is not swept away by the decisions, opinions, and wickedness of others (2 Chron 7:12-16; 2 Pet 3:17-18).
He serves the Lord with all his heart, mind, body, and soul (Matt 22:37), and serves only the Lord. He chooses what – and Who – he will worship, and he leads the family he serves well (Josh 24:14-15).
A truly Godly man protects the defenseless. He sees the destitute and oppressed as treasured children of his Father and co-heirs of the Kingdom, and he treats them as such. He seeks justice for the poor, the orphaned, the widowed, and the elderly (Ps 82:3-4; 1 Tim 5:3-4). He is bold before God, and he is bold before man (Heb 4:14-16).
And yet, a Godly man is also vulnerable, seeking protection from his Defender and hiding in His shadow. As circumstances fluctuate around him, he remains confident and unafraid, refusing to be dominated by fear, doubt, rejection, and failure (Psalm 27:1-6).
In Godly embodiment of masculinity, there is a perpetual meditation on the Word of God, His Voice, and His Revelations and from it flows strength, courage, and the ability to “leader” well (Josh 1:6-9). Being on guard against what seeks to destroy this blessed masculinity is easier, standing firm more natural. And above all else, doing everything with love becomes possible (1 Cor 16:15).
In the New Testament, Jesus gives us a picture of full and dimensional manhood, complete with big emotion and displaying it without hesitation, reservation, or shame. Anguish, distress, grief, and submission to God are welcomed and displayed (Matt 26:37-39). Jesus teaches that righteous and restrained anger is not sinful (Mark 11:15-17; Ps 82:3-4).
And in a move that is counter-cultural to the modern believer, we see that Biblical manhood is unafraid of intimate friendship with other God-pursuing, God-fearing, being-healed men (John 15:12-17).
In fact, raw vulnerability and uncomfortable accountability shape the lives of men, including Christ, all through the Bible. Godly men seek to sharpen and be sharpened by other men (1 Sam 18:1, 20:16-17, 23:16; 2 Sam 1:26; Ecc 4:7-12; Matt 26:36-46; 2 Cor 7:6; Phil 2:19-22; 2 Tim 4:9-11).
Brother, pursue this kind of masculinity. Sisters, encourage your brothers towards this.
It won’t be easy.
The masculinity of our modern-day times is fragile for a reason…we like the easy answer. Never having to stand for anything is comfortable. Neither ease nor comfort exist in the face of a Holy Holy Holy God calling you to holy masculinity.
See, playing the hero is easy. Legalism, shame-fueled obedience, and conditional love don’t require much soul-exploration, self-sacrifice, or dependence on God. Degradation is natural; despising different is logical; ignoring the suffering of others preserves our bubble of convenience.
The characteristics of man are domineering, aloof, hard-hearted, authoritarian, moralistic, passive people-pleasers. And I don’t care what any church, pastor, mentor, or influencer says, none of those descriptors reflect God.
Men, you are to be benevolent, protecting and affirming and freeing others to find their limits inside your love (Rom 11:22). You are to embody consistency, kindness, and commitment to both obeying God’s will and calling other into that full and holy living (Jer 7:22-23; 1 Pet 2:9-10). You are not to be tossed about by the preferences, wills, and whims of others, but rather stand firm in the secure love of God (1 John 4:16).
And men, to live a Godly life, you must be in an active fight against complacency (Jer 10:21). You will face adversity, but you will not flee. No, you embrace it, knowing it will forge resolve, sensitivity, and mercy, tuning your heart to your Maker’s like nothing else can or will (Ps 16:7-9).
Biblical, God-reflecting, being-transformed-into-Christ’s-likeness masculinity initiates, is relationally-oriented, makes a way for healing, and dares to hope for more (Rev 3:20; Zep 3:17; Isa 57:18-19).
Brother, I want to be intentional with this next part. We cannot talk about holy masculinity without touching on how it interacts with womanhood.
God loves women, and a Godly man reflects this openly.
Men, hear this loud and clear, if you desire to be Christ-like, you will seek to honor women because you know and believe we are worthy of love and celebration as fellow image-bearers.
In a world that despised women, Jesus sought them out, affirming their worth in His Kingdom and declaring before all people, religious and pagan, that He values His XX image-bearers greatly. Over and over and over, Old Testament and New Testament, God honored women, giving them privileges and distinction men could only ever dream of (Gen 16:13; Matt 1:1-17; Luke 1:26-38; John 4:1-32; Luke 24:1-12).
And sister, know this – no matter your experience with men of this world or the Church, you are loved beyond comprehension (1 John 4:10). You have so much value and worth, and you don’t have to earn it. God adores you, not in spite of your femininity, but (in part) because of it and how it reflects Him.
And brother – you are called to that. A radical love for your sisters that the world distains and the Church usually scoffs at. Cultural line-crossing is part and parcel of God-honoring masculinity and will always involve living in a way confrontational to those viewing women as “less than.”
Blogger Keith Gregoire wrote, “Men who need to make a woman feel small in order to feel like a man actually have no idea what it means to be a man.”
Men, you have been designed to reflect God. He intends you to be a good-enough, in-process, always-growing-into-a-better-reflection-of-Him creature.
And that means viewing women as God views women.
Brother, you are good. Or at least, you have the capacity to be.
See, apart from God, you are not capable of any of this. Self-sufficiency and godliness cannot co-exist. God designed it this way on purpose. We cannot claim His praise.
So let me ask you. If you’re already trying to claim Biblical manhood or are contemplating pursuing it, have you partnered with God first? Lasting healing and holiness cannot be found apart from the Healer and the Sustainer.
And if you haven’t, can I ask you why not? What is preventing you from saying “yes” to the One who knows you, sees your failings, misgivings, miseries, and desires to love you and be in relationship with you anyway?
If He’s not holding out on you, why are you holding out on Him?
Lord, I come to the foot of Your Throne, and I confess my failure to walk uprightly in my manhood. I confess that I have misused my power, and I lay down my passivity and complacency. I have seen my manhood as something to defend and wield.
Come, Holy Spirit, and release me from the emptiness, isolation, and anger that consume me. Only You can liberate me from the bondage of an unfeeling and unresponsive heart. I bear Your image, and You decided I best reflect You as a man. Teach me to rejoice in my masculinity and stand proudly in my promised inheritance as a man and as Your beloved child.
Bless my significance in Your story. Bless my desire for deep relationship. Bless my ability to initiate and go first. Magnify my gift to speak life. Magnify my capacity for action. Magnify my inclination to love others well. Show favor on my strength and authority. Show favor on my gentle and wounded heart. Show favor on my manhood.
I am Your beloved son. Raise me up, God.
Amen.
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