what the Bible *really* tells us about womanhood.
CW // insecurity; transgenderism
TW // Biblical womanhood; femininity
I’ve been wrestling with this question of womanhood for months, and it finally dawned on me that I was struggling to define and describe it because I was caught in the grip of the very thing that destroys it.
Insecurity.
As I studied it, dived into it, and grappled with this reality, I came to believe it is the hallmark of broken womanhood and what separates worldly womanhood from Biblical womanhood is the power it holds.
At its core, insecurity is a belief that you are not enough.
Eve believed she wasn’t wise enough. Sarah believed she wasn’t fertile enough. Tamar believed she wasn’t good enough. Rahab believed she wasn’t pure enough. Naomi believed she wasn’t righteous enough. Ruth believed she wasn’t respectable enough. Bathsheba believed she wasn’t blessed enough. Mary believed she wasn’t important enough.
Me, I believe(d) I wasn’t whole enough.
Perhaps you are not conservative enough, liberal enough, outspoken enough, quiet enough, bold enough, reserved enough, accomplished enough, perfect enough, thoughtful enough, ambitious enough, old enough, young enough.
Maybe you haven’t suffered enough, prospered enough, succeeded enough, struggled enough, read enough, learned enough, felt enough, toughened up enough, shared enough, forgiven enough.
Or maybe you’re just not kind enough, generous enough, joyful enough, at home enough, out of the house enough, in touch with your kids enough, patient enough, loving enough, wise enough, merciful enough, gracious enough, disciplined enough.
Personally, this is [some] of what I hear: I am not accomplished enough. I am not discipled enough. I am not perfect enough. I am not traditional enough. I am not sick enough. I not educated enough.
We are not “woman enough.”
And keep in mind – “too much” is just another version of “not enough.”
Too loud, too quiet, too brash, too nasally, too tall, too big, too curvy. Too opinionated, too extroverted, too introverted, too nosy, too proper, too formal, too improper, too casual. Too picky. Too white, too black, too Asian. Too into video games or too into books. Too involved, too creative, too high maintenance, too pregnant, too young, too old, too far behind, too far ahead.
Me, I am too bold. I am too honest. I am too radical. I am too arrogant. I am too lively. I am too virtuous.
We are “too much woman.”
One of the integral parts to the Biblical design of the woman is how she takes things in. She stores them up in her heart, treasuring them, feeling them, savoring them, mourning over them (Luke 2:19). She also takes in the hurt, absorbing it deep into her soul, feeling every sharp barb, holding the wounds closely.
Words, actions, comments, absences, glances, snickers – she notices them all, and they remain in her heart.
Out of the abundance of scathing looks and words stored in our soul, we each give birth to our own insecurities. We each give life to a set of beliefs of who we are as women, and who we as a woman are compared to other women.
If passivity is the downfall of men, insecurity is the downfall of women.
If we traced gossip, comparison, slander, body image issues, and broken friendships to a root, we’d discover insecurity.
I’ve been learning a lot from two transwomen (biologically male; identifying and living as women) recently, and I’ve been incredibly broken-hearted to see their estimate of womanhood. For them, it is “girlhood,” and it is merely a series of actions and attitudes.
Long hair probably dyed, makeup, skirts, heels, tampons, bikinis, fake tan, and fake nails. Hairless, engaging in catty fights, gossiping, throwing shade, and tearing down other women. Jealous. Image-conscious and self-focused. Defensive, offensive, intolerant.
I watch their videos and read their posts, and I flinch. Is this what we women really believe about ourselves? Is this how the world sees femininity? Is this really the kind of life men are attracted to?!
Praise God, it is a broken world and that is not the design nor intent for womanhood!
A large majority of those in the conservative and evangelical sex ethics world will tell you that Biblical womanhood has a specific set of behaviors and standards to adhere to.
And they are right – there is a different set of behaviors and standards for women. Not between women and men, but between women of the Word and women of the world.
Biblical women ought to look different because we handle our insecurity different.
Throughout the Bible, it is made clear we always have a choice. We control our response, and temptation does not have to lead to sin (Luke 4:1-13). Though we cannot escape the effects of a cursed world, we do not have to add to the brokenness.
Insert insecurity.
It’s just part of the world we live in. Has been since the Fall and will be until the Second Coming. It is thrown at us from everywhere and everyone.
BUT – and this is an important but – that does NOT mean we have to live in it.
Think of it like this. Our world is full of houses that are dirty, moldy, full of rotting boards and contaminated water. We can’t get rid of them all, and we cannot fix them all up. We don’t choose to live in them, though! We avoid them like the plague, or prior to living in it, we replace the sheetrock, wallpaper, paint, boards, windows, and plumbing. Living in it is a choice.
Living in insecurity is a choice, too.
I see women around me clamoring for the on-trend eyebrow, hairstyle, hair color, jean style, shoe choice, living room paint color, backsplash tile, relationship status, level of crunchy living, and body shape. That’s what self-esteem looks like. Searching endlessly for the next thing that might make you whatever “enough” it is you seek.
I see this endless striving accompanied by an obsession with the opinions of others. The woman seeking self-esteem is controlled by the “what if,” at the mercy of the thoughtless whims of others. Regret and self-condemnation are always present for her. So is exhaustion. Image-based living is wearisome at a soul level.
Not so for the one choosing to live in Truth!
She is not striving. She is not searching. She walks in holy confidence, unshaken and unafraid. Not because she is not scared or anxious but because she chooses to not live in it!
She hears “not enough” and turns to the Cross, placing it in the hands of her Savior. She is told “too much,” and she marches right to the Throne Room to discuss it with her Father, knowing His adjectives are the ones that matter.
She knows her insecurities. She knows which “not enoughs” are the sharpest stabs to her heart. She has the self-awareness to know this and to know when those insecurities are rising up. And she knows how to combat the rising flood.
She says no.
She says no to being controlled. No to being overwhelmed. No to being a victim of circumstance and emotion. No to not being enough and no to being too much.
Our girl knows Who’s she is, and she lives in that.
Her identity is not defined by the resume of accomplishments or the resume of diagnoses sitting in a file on her laptop. Her character is not rooted in the conflicting stereotypes of her various communities. Her worth is based in nothing this world can offer.
See, she is created in the image of God (Gen 1:27). She reflects His attentive compassion (Ps 116:5); His faithful, generous, good nature (Ps 86:15). In her, we see the wisdom, the patience, and the truth-speaking of our Creator God (Job 12:13; Neh 9:30; John 14:6-7).
She is a deeply rooted tree (Jer 17:8), unshakeable, withstanding the winds of culture and the lies of others. She is firm in her belief, confident that His glory is evident in her (Rom 8:28-30). She knows that her friendship is worth rejoicing over (Hos 9:10).
She is restful, peaceful, unafraid (Ps 23:2; 34:4). She is secure (Prov 3:19-26; Acts 20:32), knowing that the only names she will accept are those that Jesus Himself names her (John 1:42). She walks knowing that God calls her “Mine,” (Hos 1:6; John 1:12), Jesus calls her “friend,” (John 15:12-1; Romans 5:11), and the Holy Spirit fills her (Acts 13:52; Romans 8:10-11).
She is honored, heard, rescued, redeemed and forgiven, remembered, accepted, and protected (Ps 23:5; Ps 34:4; Ps 34:17-19; Ps 34:22; Ps 40; Romans 15:7; Ps 41:13). The lies, judgement, and condemnation of others flow over her for she knows the Cross has the final word – she is free from the deception of others, and she is one He loves (Romans 8:1-2; Hos 2:1).
She believes she is worthy of being refined (1 Cor 3:9) for God says she is the best and most needed flavor in all the earth (Matt 5:13). She lives well, caring for herself and extending herself to others for that is what a holy temple does (1 Cor 3:17) – it honors, uplifts, encourages, invites, and welcomes.
She is joyful, complete, bold, pure, and meant for better than the triteness of this world (Acts 13:52; Col 2:9; Heb 4:16; Heb 10:22; Heb 6:9b) for she has direct access to God (Eph 2:17-18).
The variations of Biblical women are as endless as the imagination of the God who formed them in their mothers’ wombs. Personality traits do not define these women. The evidence of her womanhood is written on her heart, pressed into her very DNA.
I kept trying to fit Biblical womanhood into a box, trying to find the middle between secular feminism and evangelical oppression, but God is so much bigger than a box, and so are the women He gives breath to!
Biblical femininity has nothing to do with checking off a list of life goals and personality traits.
No, Biblical womanhood is all about grabbing ahold of the soul-level identity God has spoken over her and believing it with every sliver of her intentionally designed self – mind, heart, body, soul.
Even when she doesn’t believe it and isn’t feeling it and the world says otherwise, she trusts that He has spoken it over her and she chooses that, boldly and purposefully and resolutely (John 4:1-30).
Where women of the world seek to be enough,
women of the Word know they are enough. Where women of the world strive to be it all,
women of the Word rest in Who's they are.
And where women of the world have to prove they’re “woman enough,”
women of the Word are living epistles of divinely crafted freedom.
And remember, too – she does this not because she feels it or even because she believes it about herself. She is able to do these things because she chooses to believe God’s declaration that she is these things because He says so.
Sis, this is why Biblical womanhood is so incredible!!!
It’s why the lives of women embracing the transformative power and presence of God look and live radically different. Don’t you see?! When it isn’t about us or dependent on what we do, we are free from the pressures of society and the chains of religion.
Girl, if you claim to know Jesus, I’m going to challenge you to live like it. Grab ahold of the Truth He cemented over you 2,000 years ago on a bloody tree. Take hold of the insecurities plaguing you, defining you, controlling you, and say, “No more. Not today!” March those suckers into the Throne Room and nail them vehemently to the Cross.
You are not “too much,” and you are not “not enough.”
I’m not gonna lie – I have years and years and more layers than an Indonesian Thousand Layer Cake of insecurity to discover, unpack, and give to my Savior. It’s an everyday kind of process over here, and I sincerely doubt it’ll ever be complete, so if you’re looking for company as you claim a Biblical vision over your femininity and womanhood, you’re in good company.
And sis, if you’ve not yet met Jesus, can I ask you why? You’ve made it this far, so I’m going to be bold…this type of womanhood and life isn’t available outside of or apart from Christ. It’s just not possible. We are not capable of living, walking, and believing all this about ourselves on our own power. So what’s stopping you from running to Him?
Look, we’re never going to be “insecurity free.” However, we can absolutely choose to believe God when He says you are good enough. You are an in-progress, whole enough, being-healed woman. Covered by Him, you are a good woman.
And know this, too – God is not in the business of wasting women clamoring imperfectly after His Glory🖤
Lord, I come to the foot of Your Throne, and I confess I have been dishonored and devalued, by myself and by others. I confess that I feel “too much” and “not enough.” I confess I have agreed with the lies, cheapening myself and disregarding the beauty of the femininity You created in me. I have seen my womanhood as a liability and weakness.
Come, Holy Spirit, and release me from the betrayal and anger and hurt this has caused. Only You can liberate me from the prison of insecurity and uncertainty rooted in my womanhood. I bear Your Image, and You decided I best reflect You as a woman. Help me rejoice in my femininity and stand proudly in my promised inheritance as a woman and as Your beloved child.
Bless my significance in Your story. Bless my responsiveness to You and to others. Bless my ability to coax life forth and be a safe place. Magnify my gift to commune with You. Magnify my relational capacities. Magnify my inclination to love others well. Show favor on my emotional sensitivity. Show favor on my intuitive advocacy. Show favor on my womanhood.
I am Your beloved daughter. Hold me securely in that, God.
Amen.
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