Talks about sex, that is.
For far too long, conservative and evangelical Christian circles have refused to engage this topic. It is too personal, too intimate, too awkward, too secular to discuss. It’s too worldly for youth, too private for premarital counseling, and too embarrassing a topic for the married.
Sex has been relegated to the “inappropriate, improper, unthinkable to talk about” category, and our uncomfortability has been stamped with “righteous silence.” See, sex talk is for the promiscuous, after all even God is quiet about this subject.
Except He’s not.
God calls our sexuality “very good” (Gen 1:31). God designed sex to reflect Him (Gen 2:25). God made holiness impossible without His sex ethic (1 Pet 2:9). God instructs us on sexual matters (Eph 5:3, Heb 13:4, 1 Cor 6:9, 1 Cor 6:18, Matt 5:28, 1 Thess 4:3-5, Prov 5:15-19, Gen 1:28, Gen 2:24, Song 8:4, Lev 18:22). God holds space for all things sex-related (John 4:1-42, Luke 1:26-38, Matt 5:27-48).
God is far from silent about sex ethics. He is not ambivalent. Nearly every book of His Word mentions sex ethics in some capacity! His design for human flourishing is intertwined with our sexuality. What we believe about God is made clear in our personal sex ethic, and He deeply cares how we embody Him.
So I will care about sex. I will talk about sex ethics. I will hold sexuality sacred. I will treat sex as a conversation for all people and all ages. I will hold space for all sex-related things.
Because He does.
Because it matters.
I am frequently asked why I can’t “just let it be.” The critiques, opinions, and insinuations about my “sex ethics blogging” are sometimes rude, sometimes curious. Most people can’t figure out why a well-raised, relatively sweet, church-going girl like me would talk about such an unseemly topic.
It’s because God does.
I am imago Dei – a reflection of God Himself, and one way I reflect His heart is by talking about sex, sexuality, marriage, and all the other sex ethic things.
God’s desire is for us to conform and be transformed (Rom 12:2). Conform meaning “become similar in form, nature, or character; to bring into agreement or harmony.” While many consider my treatment of this topic “naughty,” I am in agreement with my Father’s will, walking in harmony with His vision and Being.
God talks about sex, so I talk about sex.
There’s a story in John 8 where a woman is accused of “moicheia,” clandestine sexual intercourse. She is dragged into the Temple, and the religious leaders demand her death by stoning.
She is taken outside the city for this painful and slow and torturous execution when Jesus arrives. Bending down, He draws a line in the sand. Deliberately looking each religious zealot, self-righteous spiritual authority, and entitled “man of God” in the eye, Jesus says, “If you have not sinned nor made a mistake, throw the stone.”
In a moment I imagine feeling like an eternity for the condemned woman, each of her accusers drops his stone and silently leaves. I can hear her sobs, see her bewilderment, and understand her confusion.
And then she locks eyes with Jesus. “Who blames you? Who has denounced you?” He gestures to the emptiness around them.
Hiccupping sobs and wildly swiping her tears, she replies softly, “No one.”
Jesus smiles, bending down to take her hands. Lifting her up, He says, “Neither do I. Go, My beloved, and be free.”
God cares about sex because He cares about people.
The response Jesus models for us is only possible when we believe what He says about people. When we believe what He says about us. When our bodies and souls are integrated. When we embody His love and compassion and Truth.
We talk about sex so the one feeling shame can experience freedom. We bring sexuality into the Light so the guilty one can embrace innocence. By choosing God’s vision for our sex ethic, we restore the one taken advantage of.
By talking about sex how God talks about it, we have the privilege of participating in His transformation and restoration, both personally and in the lives of others.
I am convinced our world is in dire need of holy, whole, healthy sex ethic education. It is time our theology of sex, sexuality, marriage, singleness, gender roles, etc. matches that of our Creator. We desperately need to set aside our preconceived notions of God and dive into His word with fresh eyes and clean souls.
Tucked away in the Old Testament is a book called Hosea, named for a man God used to display His hesed (lovingkindness) love for us. It’s a story of a husband, a lover, wildly and passionately in love with a woman who could care less.
It’s an allegory for our relationship with God, and yes, He is our Lover. Wild, unrestrained, unreserved, zero inhibitions, jealous for our attention, fully engaged. His desire is for us, our complete soul and our entire heart.
If a core part of relating to our Creator involves a passionate, head-over-heels in love relationship, how ignorant and foolish for us to remove sex ethics from regular and consistent conversation!
How can I withhold that which reveals the heart of God? How can I keep the Good News of a sex ethic extending grace and hope and freedom and restoration and better to myself? How can I refuse to declare His goodness and extol His design?
I can’t.
And quite frankly, I won’t. I won’t hide that.
Learning that God’s ethic calls me “pure, chosen, redeemed, delight” has left me changed (1 John 1:9, Isa 43:10, Ps 103:4, Zeph 3:17). Approaching the Throne believing I am known, seen, loved, and cherished emboldens me to live as I was created to be, refusing to occupy spaces that do not agree with my Savior (Ps 139, Hos 3:1, John 10:10).
His loving tenderness beckons me into more full and holy living. His embrace of my story, no matter what, assures me that His way, His thoughts, His vision, His ethics are not only better, they are best.
I won’t lie about it. I won’t withhold it.
God talks boldly about sex, sexuality and all the other sex ethics topics, too.
God does it!
And so will I.
Will you?
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