Because ableism has no place in our cities, our churches, our homes, our friendships, and our hearts.
Correcting misguided and unBiblical attitudes towards disability starts with you, and it starts with me. It starts in our homes, bleeds into our small groups and friendships, and spills over into our churches and communities and classrooms.
Start with you and start here. The work you do will not be in vain 🖤
While the disabled community is not a monolith, the experiences we share have striking parallels. Each of our stories is unique, and we each choose how to live it, walk it, and experience it. While many of these tips apply across the board, not all of them will.
As you seek to engage with the disability community, be sensitive to the preference of each disabled and/or chronically ill individual in front of you.
Tip #1 - See Us and Speak
No one likes to be "looked through." You know that cringey look I'm talking about.
And no one likes to be stalked. Think pushy sales person.
So engage! Avoiding an interaction prioritizes your comfort. It places your experience over the person in front of you. This is what we must stop doing.
If the dude in the chair or the girl with crutches makes eye contact, smile back! Take the invitation and say, "Hey!" Ask how their day is going. Compliment their shoes or outfit.
It's okay to feel awkward! It is normal to be unsure what to say. You probably will accidently say the wrong thing one day - you aren't perfect, and no one expects you to be.
Pro tip : work, pregnancy, medical and assistive devices, and medical history are great topics to AVOID.
Disabled people are people, and all people deserve basic respect, honor, and dignity.
We have passions, hobbies, pets, favorite books, and most eaten foods. We have embarrassing stories, weird talents, and occasionally, we can be very funny.
Stumble over your words. Admit when you're wrong. Get corrected.
And then do it all over again!
Tip #2 - Unlearn, Relearn, Just Learn
Grab a book. Find an IG account, podcast, or blog. Have a conversation where you listen more than you talk with someone disabled and/or chronically ill in your life. Decide to be diligently self-aware of your thoughts and attitudes.
What do you think when you see in the baby in the helmet? How do you interact with the little boy and his walking aid in the grocery store line? What are your thoughts when the girl who is always talking about her health is talking about her health?
Honestly and brutally assess where your heart is towards the disabled community. Why do we make you uncomfortable?
There's a plethora of disabled educators and chronic illness advocates, and our devices make accessing their content easy. Commit to learning.
Tip #3 - Pursue Inter-Abledness
Yes, "inter-abledness" is a word ;)
Look, all relationships are hard. They all take work. They all require intimate questions, long conversations, and attentive listening. Friendship with disabled people is the same. Sure, it looks a little different, but it isn't harder.
It may require more flexibility, avoiding certain restaurants, learning to make non-alcoholic drinks, and internal reminders that cancelled plans are normal. It may require sitting in uncomfortable feelings and not fully understanding the other person's story.
It might mean more quiet nights in and less big gatherings out.
You will never hear us if you're always talking or always avoiding us, though!
Find the normal for this inter-abled friendship. Push through the extra layers of unknown. See the person as a person - go beneath our health and disability.
Inter-abled friendship is beautiful. Don't miss out.
Tip #4 - Find a Love Language
Fact Check : 50% of disabled people are younger than 60.
We are not talking about senior citizens, y'all! High schoolers, college students, young professionals, singles, parents - any number of us young'uns have a chronic illness and/or disability.
In addition to our individual love languages, the disability community has it's own, too.
It's a practical love reminding us that we are seen.
Driveway shoveled. Pumpkins carted off. Errands ran. Meals delivered post-hospitalization or ED visit. A card delivered in the mail. A new plant. Gluten and dairy free ice cream bars. A text reading, "I'm dropping supper off on Tuesday. What time is best for you?"
These acts show us we have not been forgotten. Out of sight is not out of mind. We are remembered amidst the mundane and humdrum.
The chronically ill and/or disabled rarely have an "easy" day. Don't wait for a Facebook status or IG update. Just reach out.
Tip #5 - Become Literate
Adjust your expectations. Inter-abledness will not look like your other experiences and relationships. Even friendship with two different long-suffering people can look vastly different!
Do your own research on the condition or disease. Learn ASL. Become trauma-informed. Advocate for your volunteers and/or co-workers to be trained in all necessary interventions and techniques. Have sensory toys on hand. Get certified in First Aid and CPR. Meet with parents and be teachable. Learn to care well for those you encounter.
Take notice of what comments make your disabled co-worker uncomfortable. Hear the unkind remarks directed at a neurodivergent student. Correct medical professionals using inappropriate and derogatory language.
You don't have to know it all, and you won't do it perfectly. Just start with, "What can I do to make this possible and accessible and comfortable for you?"
The disabled community doesn't have to be scary or intimidating.
We just want to know you and be known by you. We long for friendship, too. And we want to trust ourselves (and our disabled/chronically ill children) to your care. We want to be cared for because we care so much for you.
We are people. Mostly like you. Just say "hi." Meet us where we're at. Take responsibility to learn on your own. Attitudes that strip the disabled and chronically ill of our personhood, our dignity, and our humanness should not be welcome in our spaces.
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